Square peg, round hole

So I've recently lost my job and been going through all this crap and wondering when it will end.
Then I realize, you know, it's not going to end. This is life.
So my first instinct was to do what my first instinct always is- run. I started looking for jobs out of state. I was ready to pack up the fam and move and start all over. I justified it, had it all worked out in my mind why this was the way to go.

All the sudden it seems like nothing fits. My job didn't fit anymore. I've lost a lot of weight and my clothes don't fit anymore. I don't feel like I fit in with my church anymore. I don't fit with my friends since a lot of what I had in common with them was work and church.....
Hmmm... somewhere in there it switched to "I" don't fit. I suppose that's exactly right, I'm the one who has had the change in perspective, I'm the one feeling the change in "fittingness". I wonder if this is how a caterpillar feels inside a cocoon, like this place isn't scary and unwelcoming, it's perhaps just not a perfect fit anymore. But that doesn't mean that I have to run, I don't have to try to hit reset and start over. But it does mean it's time for a change.
I need to get back into touch with "me". I need to meditate again, look at art, get outside and enjoy nature. I need to change my relationship with my church, and remember that change does not mean death. I need to feed my soul.
In another post I talk about secrets, and wonder what secrets I am keeping from myself. I think I'm starting to find them. The first I've found is that I think I'm scared to be alone, yet I keep everyone at such a distance (including my own family) that I constantly feel incredibly alone. I'm sure it's easily analyzed and all that, but I really don't care to spend much more time on the "why". It is, I need to be aware, and somehow learn to let people in. Somehow I think this will be easier said than done.

Free your secrets and become who you are

I did a reflection today for church about Postsecret. Something about the fact that all of these people could send in such deep secrets just to feel heard really touched me. And it really fascinates me how more communities have grown out of that- just out of a need to not feel alone.

After the service, someone let me know that they had been a Helpline volunteer for about 2 years, and how much they had appreciated seeing this side of it. I had never really thought about that those volunteers probably never really know for sure the difference they make.

Here's my power point, with my reflection in the notes section, so you may need to go to the site to view it, or download it. I'd love to hear feedback about it, or have more discussion if anybody is so moved.

"Free Your Secrets and Become Who You Are"

View more PowerPoint from Heather Coffman